So...despite the title of this blog, I'm not actually crazy. At least not certifiably or anything like that. I don't think I ever clarified that. I'm just zany. Like an old black and white comedy.
Some people just get those movies and others are like 'I don't understand...Is this art?'
But the one thing I wish, like REALLY wish, is that I was glamorous. I'm not sure why. I'm the most low-key, low-maintenance person I know. It might be a grass is greener thing. But I wish I could look at pictures and be like, YES. THAT IS ME! GLAMAZON AND PHYSICAL BEAUTY EXTRAORINAIRE.
But other times I realize that's not me. I mean, my feet really hurt after walking a mile in sneakers so how could I possibly wear sky-highs? I'm really overweight and doughy after having Little C on March 1 and I can't seem to get my act in gear to lose the fat.
And in order to afford the cosmetics one would need to be a glamazon, one needs to have a steady income which, being on Mat leave, is something I don't, and won't have until February 2015. I suppose Big C could be my sugar daddy for a few months, but that just seems wrong.
Since having Little C, I've realized that I want to be the kind of mom that is above all, a mom. I put him first. But it's all very complicated because I am not his only caretaker. I mean, yes, I'm with him all day, but Big C is an excellent Dad. I have no qualms about taking an hour or two in the evening and doing my own thing because I trust Big C with our son, absolutely. I guess what I mean is, I want to be the kind of mom that makes sure her kids know that I am there for them 100%. No matter what I'm doing I will drop whatever it is to help them. Is that unhealthy? Maybe. But there it is.
So...how to find balance through all this? I want to be there for Big and Little C, but I want to fulfill my wishes as well. Is there a way to do both? I think so, but I haven't figured it out yet.
Maybe I need to come up with some flexible 'rules' to live by that will enable me to reach my goal of becoming a glamazon. (I think this whole 'glamazon' thing is sort of like reaching a number on the scale. It's fleeting, but satisfying at the same time.)
The problem is, I don't live a glamorous life. I'm not a model. I don't live in a city. One of my idols is Dita Von Teese, but we couldn't be more opposite. I am a work horse and she is a show horse. And there's no way I can be a show horse. But maybe, just maybe, I could be a work horse disguised as a show horse?
(Not a show horse...But not a race horse either...)